I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
