??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
