I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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