When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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