shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize