i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
