I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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