The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
