I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
