I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
