I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
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