I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We left an ass print on the piano.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
