The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
