and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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