there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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