So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize