you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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