Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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