SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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