So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
