I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
