I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
