There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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