What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
