So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
