You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
