This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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