dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
