This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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