I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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