I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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