I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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