You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
