Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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