Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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