The best revenge is premature balding
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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