I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
