How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
