Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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