we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
