After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Randomize
