That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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