So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
