Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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