I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
