I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm sobbing to NWA
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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