Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
