...so i touched it.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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