I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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