I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
