Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
