and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
