I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i think i have two assholes
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
this hospital has no fireball
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
