she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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