have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Drunk is not a location!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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