i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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