you're like a bully in the Christmas story
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
