I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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