how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize