What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
