hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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