I cannot find my penis.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
