Rock
Scissors
Fuck
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
as a side note pls kill me
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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