P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
