I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
