You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
