I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
