Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
