You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
