My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
