i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
