did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
