Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
