I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
