Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
