I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
When are your genitals available?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
