Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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