he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
