you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
