My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
