Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
how does that bad decision feel?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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