No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
