when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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