what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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