Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
