He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
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