I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
