What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
