So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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