its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
