woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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