Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
