Yo dont text me then not text me
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize