i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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