Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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