the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
drinking out of a sandbucket again
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
